starting backwards
by tatty ted
Summary: Georgina knows she has to say goodbye to her father Patrick, she knows she'll regret it if she doesn't. - —Patrick/Lara/OC.
1. CHAPTER I

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><p><strong>starting backwards<strong>  
><em>I'm not that kind of girl<em>

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><p>She's barely sixteen, sixteen in three weeks but can easily pass for eighteen on first glance.<p>

Tomorrow's her father's funeral but it doesn't stop her from pulling on her favourite red dress, styling her hair and going out. The kind of going out that involves cheap alcohol and vodka shots at the bar and drunken sex with strangers in hotel rooms.

She's five foot seven though about three inches taller in her heels. She's the kind of girl guys _look_ to pull, brown hair and brown eyed beauty, the one with the curves in the right place. She won't have a problem tonight finding someone who'll give her drunken sex to block out the fact tomorrow she has to say goodbye.

She doesn't want to go to the funeral, she doesn't want to say goodbye to a man she hated every now and then. She doesn't want to say goodbye to her father, the first man she ever loved, the one who told her he was always going to be there but never really was.

She quietly sobs into her wine glass as she's getting ready, cursing herself because she has to redo her makeup.

Her mother didn't even want to turn up for the funeral, the man she claimed to love, she didn't want to say goodbye too. She believed it was better for people to be remembered for how they were, alive and not dead. Her mother couldn't seem to work out that she _wanted_ to say goodbye, she wanted to tell her father she loved him one last time.

She heads to town for about eight thirty, which is still early. The sun hasn't long gone down and the town is still busy with people on different missions. People working, people shopping and people like her, the ones waiting to throw alcohol down their necks and go out and get hammered.

The first bar she goes into is weatherspoons. Cheap drinks in a lousy atmosphere. She's surprised that although the place adopts a challenge twenty-one policy, she isn't asked for ID as she's ordering three jagarbombs at the bar with a vodka and coke.

She has a further three jagars and another vodka and coke before she moves onto a pub. In the pub she has another shot and a glass of rose while she sits in the corner and twirls her finger around her rim, wondering how long it took for clubs to open around here.

It's nine forty by the time she finishes her wine in the bar and she decides to head to the nearest club she can find. The first club she comes across is called Revolution and she stands outside in the queue, rubbing her arms up and down her arms trying to keep the goosebumps at bay.

She gets to the front of the queue and they ask her for ID and she gets everything out of her bag when a guy declares she's with him. He puts his hand on the top of her arm and brings her into the club. She turns to the knight in shining armour and smiles, "thanks for that I must've misplaced my ID."

"Are you even old enough to be in here?"

"Of course," she smiled at the stranger. He was tall, dark and handsome. The club wasn't that busy but she knew it wouldn't be as they'd only opened half an hour ago. There was a silence between her and the male as she walked towards the bar.

"Do I not get to know your name?"

She leant against the bar, looked him in the eye and smiled; "maybe, maybe not."

They drink together at the bar. She buys the first round, a vodka and lemonade for her and a pint for him to thank him for recusing her earlier. The night passes with a lot of vodka and games of who can down their shot quicker.

Kisses, they share plenty at the bar and on the dance floor until they're both tired and he whispers in her ear, "do I get you know your name yet?"

She wraps her arms around his neck and smiles, "I suppose. I'm Georgina, you?"

"Simon, pleasure to meet you."

Georgina does that drunken giggle and stumbles off to the bar to order another double vodka. He's just watching her walk away knowing he's going to get her tonight, they're both drunk and adult enough to say yes to a one night stand right?

After she has another vodka, and brings over one for him too, they dance some more until the light's come up in the club and they're turfed out of the door quicker than they can say their goodbyes. There's something about each other they're drawn too though and they stay in each other's company.

It's underneath the street light as the sun's coming up that he tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and whispers in her ear, "my place or yours?"

She doesn't verbally reply and he presses his lips against hers before hailing a taxi. They go back to his because it isn't far, only ten minutes or so. He's back in Holby after a short term away, hence the clubbing tonight and pulling girls. Just trying to prove he's the same guy he was before he left.

They get to his and before they've even fallen through the door, they're tearing each other's clothes off, their lips pressed together. They fall into a heap on the bed, hips moving together and groans escaping their lips.

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><p><strong>jottings<strong> / if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review:3


	2. CHAPTER II

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><p><strong>CHAPTER TWO<strong>  
><em>say it's over, say it's over<em>

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><p>Georgina woke up beside an empty space. She rolled over and heard Simon been sick in the bathroom. When he returned, half dressed she slowly sat up in bed and wrapped the duvet around her. The hotel room was freezing!<p>

"Morning."

"Morning," she answered back. She watched as he began to put on his shirt from last night and she decided she'd better be doing the same, today was her father's funeral after all. Glancing at the clock and noticing it was eight-forty she sighed deeply, knowing the funeral was only a few hours away at most.

"What are your plans for today?"

She asked making conversation as she shuffled to the edge of the bed and picked up her underwear from last night. As she put them on, she listened as Simon replied that he had no plans, he was supposed to be at Holby General to begin his first day.

"Oh so you're a doctor?" She smirked as she pulled on her dress and did up the zip, "you kept that one quiet doctor."

Simon laughed and didn't say anything. Georgina disappeared into the bathroom, took off her makeup, reapplied and returned to the bedroom. Simon was dressed and he looked Georgina up and down before saying; "do you want a lift home?"

Putting her hair up into a high ponytail after finding an elastic band on the bedside table, she shook her head; "you're alright. Mind if I jump in your taxi and go to Holby General with you? There's someone I need to see actually."

"Anyone I know?"

"That'd be telling," she smirked and after putting on her shoes, declared she was ready. Simon ordered a taxi to take them to the hospital and Georgina found herself listening in silence, fiddling with the ring around her finger.

The journey to the hospital was mostly quiet though they did engage in small talk every now and then. Simon didn't live far from the hospital, the hotel he was saying in was just on the outskirts of Holby and took about twenty minutes to get to Holby General.

As they got out of the taxi Simon suddenly found himself feeling nauseous and had to throw up outside the emergency department. Georgina sighed deeply and leaving him too it, walked through the door of the emergency department and to reception.

She'd only been in reception for five minutes when she saw Lara and frowned. She wasn't meant to be here, Lara was meant to be at her father's funeral. Their eyes met from the other end of the corridor and Lara walked towards Georgina.

"What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing," Georgina replied and folded her arms across her chest. It was at that moment Simon appeared from outside and upon finding Georgina, put his hand on her arm and said gently,

"There you are! I thought I'd lost you."

He approached the desk as Lara rose an eyebrow at Georgina, "where have you been?"

"Out," she smiled sadly, "I met this moron who just happens to be your new doctor."

There was a pause between the two before the commotion at the desk between Simon and Gilly caught their attention. Georgina rolled her eyes as Simon hurried off no doubt been sick again and Lara asked, "please don't tell me you slept with him!"

"What's it to you if I did?"

"Georgina!" she raised her voice and realising where she was, dragged Georgina into the staff room. Closing the door behind her she continued, "he can get into trouble for sleeping with you. You're fifteen, you're a minor!"

"I don't care," Georgina slammed her fist down on the counter, "I don't care and do you know why? Because going out and getting drunk on cheap vodka and sleeping with men is the only thing helping me cope with the fact I will never see my father again! Now you never answered my question, why aren't you at my father's funeral?"

Lara didn't say anything. She knew inside Georgina was hurting, so was she. It didn't seem real at Patrick was dead and he wasn't ever coming home again. Catching the tear that slid down Georgina's cheek, Lara found herself wrapping her arms around her as she began to sob into her chest.

"I didn't go to the funeral because I want to spend time with the living, your father would've done the same if it was the other way round." She kissed the top of Georgina's head, "now why aren't you at your father's funeral?"

"I couldn't face it," she sighed deeply, "it makes me feel absolute shit knowing I'm never going to see him again. And the last conversation we ever had I told him I hated him and now, now he's dead and he doesn't know how much I love him."

"He knows sweetheart, he always knew how much you loved him Georgina."

"Do you really think so?"

Lara smiled sadly, "yes."

There was nothing spoken between the two as they held each other. They were two of the same Georgina and Lara, they were both stubborn when they wanted to be but Patrick loved them both. Eventually Georgina broke out of the hug and looked at Lara.

"I want to go to the funeral but I want you to come with me."

"I can't Georgina."

"Why," Georgina smiled sadly, "we both need to say goodbye. Lets say goodbye together, please."

Lara looked at the teenager in front of her and nodded her head. Reluctantly she agreed to go to Patrick's funeral despite only wanting to spend time with the living. With a soft smile she knew this was the right thing to do but did she really want to say goodbye? Goodbyes were always so final.

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><p><strong>jottings<strong> / if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review:3


	3. CHAPTER III

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><p><strong>CHAPTER THREE<strong>  
><em>you look like my next mistake<em>

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><p>"Are you in Holby on your own?"<p>

Georgina leaves the question to linger for a second because she knew the way Lara would react. Lara always believed it was wrong for a fifteen year old to be miles away from home staying in a hotel room in the middle of town. It made Georgina realise that maybe Lara cared more than her actual mother.

"Yes, my mother didn't want to come to the funeral. I told her I wanted to so she gave me some money."

Standing outside the department as they waited for their taxi, Georgina began to rub her hands up and down her arms trying to stop the goosebumps. It had little effect and Lara noticed that she was cold but didn't comment, she didn't know what to say.

"You know I'm always here to talk don't you? We might not see eye to eye on everything but —"

Georgina cut Lara off with a wave of her hand and a smile, "yes yes I get it thank you."

The taxi arrived and both of them got in and decided to go back to Georgina's hotel room. She wanted to get ready and have a shower first before visiting her father's grave, it was an inappropriate choice of outfit.

The journey to the hotel was quiet, the radio playing quietly in the background giving them both something to listen too. It took about ten minutes for them to arrive at the hotel and Georgina reached into her bag and handed the driver a twenty pound note and told him to keep the change.

Finding her key, they got out of the taxi.

"How long will you be in Holby for?"

"Shouldn't be too long," Georgina held the door open for Lara, "I've got school on Monday and then Tuesday's the beginning of my exams so I'll probably leave here on Sunday most likely."

"Do you want a lift to the station?"

Georgina shrugged her shoulders, she didn't mind as long as Lara didn't have anything to do. She was sorted to get a taxi to the train station or even walk. With a smile Georgina answered, "yeah if you're not busy, would be a great help thanks."

There wasn't anything spoken as Georgina and Lara reached Georgina's hotel room. She opened the door and walked inside. The room was spotless for a fifteen year olds, there wasn't anything out of place and everything was quite tidy.

Lara sat on the edge of the bed as Georgina disappeared into the bathroom. A couple of minutes later she returned. She'd taken off her red dress and was now wearing a black dress with black tights. Lara noted that she looked nice and said so.

"Thanks," Georgina replied and a couple of minutes later they were leaving for the cemetery.

The journey was quiet to the cemetery, Georgina was lost in thought. She'd thought the same every single day since her father had died. Would it have been picked up if her father had chosen to be looked over at the crash site? Would he still be alive today if he wasn't stubborn and wanted to prove to Lara he really loved her.

Lara seemed to sense Georgina was deep in thought about something and asked, "are you okay?"

She nodded, "I'm okay, I was just thinking about my father. Do you think he'd still be alive if he got himself checked out? I mean, I know he was dead when he hit the floor, I know that but—"

Lara smiled sadly, "I know what your thinking. I don't know sweetheart, maybe, maybe not. You can't keep thinking about the what ifs."

"Do you sometimes think about the what ifs?"

"Of course," they approached the cemetery gates and immediately Georgina began to feel sick. She didn't want to be sick and she took several deep breaths to contain the nausea. Grabbing Lara's hand she whispered; "I don't think I can do this."

"You can, we have too."

"I can't," Lara squeezed her hand, "come on Georgina we can do this."

Slowly both of them walked through the gates and headed towards the chapel. Both of them took a deep breath and reached where Patrick's funeral was taking place. They looked at each other and pushed open the door. As they both stepped into the chapel, everybody's eyes looked at them and Max smiled softly.

They'd made it, they were here to say goodbye to Patrick.

Sitting down at the back of the room, Georgina felt the tears streaming down her cheeks. She rested her head on Lara's shoulder as the adult kissed the top of her head. She sighed deeply, maybe it was a bad idea to come here, maybe saying goodbye didn't matter.

"It's going to be okay," Lara whispered even if she didn't believe those words herself.

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><p><em><strong>jottings<strong> / _if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review:3


	4. CHAPTER IV

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><p><strong>CHAPTER FOUR<strong>  
><em>we're dressed for success<em>

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><p>"Patrick Spiller; arrogant, opinionated, selfish.. and that was on a good day. Harsh? He of all people couldn't stand formality, pomp or hypocrisy." The words were spoken by Max and Georgina couldn't help but laugh.<p>

She'd known her father from the age of five when her mother's partner told her he wasn't her daddy. She liked Patrick, he was funny. He told good jokes and he gave the best cuddles. She saw him once every weekend, sometimes in Holby or sometimes at her house in Cardiff.

They had a good relationship, Georgina and Patrick even if it was strained sometimes when Georgina reached her teenage years. She was constantly trying to push the boundaries, staying out later, having parties whenever Patrick was working late.

They never stayed mad at each other for long, their bond too strong.

Georgina noticed throughout the talk Lara was clutching something in her hand. She hadn't noticed it earlier when it was wrapped around her neck, Patrick's engagement ring he gave Lara moments before he died. She knew it was a possibility for Lara and her father to get engaged; Patrick loved Lara, she brought out the other side to him. The sensitive, romantic side.

After Max's speech, Georgina knew it was her time to stand up and talk about her father. She once again felt nervous, what if she couldn't do her father justice having to talk about him? Almost straight away she felt a calming influence over her and she knew it was her father, he was here with her.

"I think Max pretty much got my father down to a tee don't you?" Some people laughed, others wiped away the tears from their eyes, "My father was arrogant and selfish but there was a side to him not many people saw, the side that was sensitive and caring."

She paused for a second, "most people saw that side when he rescued those children in the crash. He put his own safety last to ensure those children were protected and that was my father, always making sure people were okay, making people better. I never knew why he wanted to be a doctor, it could be for the fact he had traits that are associated with consultants but he wanted to make a difference to people lives and he did."

She smiled sadly, "how many lives did he touch in this room? I can imagine at some point he touched everyone's life. I know he touched Lara's and she touched his. He finally found someone who was the female version of himself, cocky, arrogant and opinionated."

Lara found herself crying as well as laughing.

"I'm proud to call Patrick my father even if our time together was short." Georgina began to walk towards the coffin and planted a kiss on it, "I love you and I know I will see you one day, love you daddy."

At the end of her speech there wasn't a dry eye in the house, Georgina included. She sat down beside Lara and squeezed her hand again. She knew it was going to get better. Her father was dead but he was an amazing man and his legacy would live on.

Georgina was going to make her father's legacy live on, she was going to be the kind of person her father would be proud off. She didn't know what the future held but she knew she'd be okay, she had Lara and Lara had her. Together they had memories, memories of the person they loved more than life itself.

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><p><strong>jottings<strong> / finished. if you like it enough to favourite, please leave a review:3


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